Since Daddy and I got engaged last year, people have been asking me fairly regularly "have you set the date yet?", and so far, the answer has been no. Although we fully expected to have been married at some point last year, Daddy and I have barely been able to lift our heads above the mountain of paperwork that surrounds a divorce, a battle over residence and a battle over finances. The idea of planning our wedding just hasn't been possible.
But this week, we have started thinking in earnest about naming the day. It is such a bitter-sweet thing for us to do, because we always wanted you to be part of the day, alongside the rest of our families. Daddy wanted you to be his best man (I was particularly looking forward to your speech - I bet you would have given away all of Daddy's secrets!).
With no real hope that the situation with your mummy will be resolved to let you be part of our lives again until you are an adult and make that choice for yourself, we have no choice but to get on with living and to name the day.
First attempt didn't go so well - the date Daddy has suggested to our minister falls in the middle of a 3 week planning inquiry that I am working on. So for now it's back to the drawing board.
This doesn't sound like much of an occasion to blog about to you, perhaps? The significance for us is that even though we have to endure the pain of doing it without you, it is still the first positive thing we have been able to plan since the court proceedings started in January 2010. After over a year of living on a knife edge, we are taking the first steps to building something for the future: the family and the home that we pray daily that you will have the opportunity to grow up in.
Love,
K
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